Thursday, July 2, 2009

Aldous Huxley Made Me Beautiful

So now: it has taken me 22 years and a quote from Aldous Huxley to start a new thing for myself. I was just rolling on my bed last night reading "Brave New World" by The Man himself, I got up to Google his wiki page and find some related readings. I stumbled upon this quote in my research:

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." ~Aldous Leonard Huxley

It hit me straight right where it hurts, the confused place where I store my poor self-image, my own criticisms on my appearance and the thoughts that bring me down and lower my drive to want to change myself for the better. I've once thought all my efforts would be futile anyway. Nobody would notice really, or that I think everybody will and laugh at me and my stupid efforts. I don't look good; I'm too fat; I'm too short; My face is too round; My hair is too weird; My legs too short and stumpy; My nose too big; My arms too hairy; my butt non existent; and my chest area is a wall. We are truly our own worse critic.

I didn't get much sleep last night because I was thinking very hard of the things I want to do for myself. I remember an advice given to me long ago by a very good friend of mine, something along the line of how we should never judge ourselves through other people's eyes. She urged me to respect myself in spite of my "supposed physical shortcomings", and to know that there is something in me that's worth showing, and I deserve to feel and do things that make me happy. Now I realize that she's right all along SO COULD SOMEBODY GIVE THAT GIRL A FREAKING MEDAL? I am beginning to accept the truth of the quote, if I am not for myself, who will be?

It's no surprise that the negative things I'm thinking are screwing up my feelings and ideas as well. The negativity always spreads far, and beyond just criticisms of over my physical appearance. It tugs on my confidence in the things I do. Whenever I look at myself and I think I look frumpy, I FEEL frumpy! So I don't go out as much, don't do activities as long as I begin to feel that way. Whenever I think I look dull, I BORE myself to death and I begin to nag at myself about how boring I am, and that I will never be someone interesting. But whenever I think I look cute, I FEEL like the cutest thing in the world and that no one can say "no" to me. My appearance does take a big factor in what I think of myself.

This Late Bloomer will be dedicated to my efforts, great and small, into finding the things that give me a boost of enthusiasm and confidence in my looks. And I will IMPROVE, gosh darn it!!

So thank you, Aldous! I dedicate this first post to you!

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